by: Dr. Dino Zuccarini, C.Psych.
We all have a personality. Our personality is shaped by a
wide range of factors, including genetic, psychological, and environmental.
Some individuals develop personalities that will allow them to have a good
sense of self and have healthy relationships with others. These individuals
experience an overall positive sense of self (i.e., healthy self-esteem,
positive sense of lovability, worth and competence, and the capacity for
healthy self-reliance and autonomy) and are able to create healthy
interpersonal relationships at home and work. A solid and overall positive
sense of self and others allows us to tolerate uncertainties, ambiguity, and
aloneness in relationships and in life in general. It makes us more confident
to direct our lives in a meaningful, purposeful, and authentic manner.
These individuals also tend to be flexible in how they think
and emotionally react to themselves and others. This allows for adaptation
particularly in difficult and stressful life moments. These individuals may
also have greater capacities to self-soothe when emotionally distressed, yet
also be comfortable reaching for others when efforts to assuage his or her distress
fail. They will also be able to identify, label, and assert authentic feelings,
emotions, and needs in relationships while empathizing and connecting to the
feelings, emotions, and needs of others. The capacity to reflect on and
empathize with one’s self and others (e.g., intentions, motivations, feelings,
emotions, needs and desires) is also essential to develop a healthy sense of
self and others, and essential to create healthy interpersonal relationships.
These capacities allow us to appropriately adapt our self to others and our
environment as opposed to acting too hastily on our own thoughts, feelings, and
needs. These capacities also allow us to assert our authentic selves and
respond to others’ authentic selves. Maintaining an open, present, curious
stance about one’s own and others’ intentions and motivations also allows for
greater reflection and more time to observe reality, as opposed to jumping to
conclusions about our selves or others. Being present-focused and non-defensive
is most important in developing healthy interpersonal relationships.
Due to complex factors, including such circumstances as
emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, and experiences of neglect, some
individuals will develop an overall negative sense of self and overall negative
sense of others. They will further experience a wide range of problems,
including rigid, inflexible negative thinking or beliefs about themselves or
others. Rigid, negative thinking about our self and others can create serious
emotional distress and challenges in managing our emotions (e.g., intense
emotional outbursts, moments of deep hopelessness and despair, depression and
anxiety, chronic emptiness, withdrawal or detachment from others). These
individuals further struggle with maintaining a sense of their own and others’
boundaries. Some individuals will engage in self-sabotaging and self-injurious
behaviours, and express suicidal tendencies to deal with intense feelings and
impulses.
Individuals experiencing personality and interpersonal difficulties
also report an unstable sense of self and others in relationships. They may
experience over-sensitivity to rejection, abandonment, and punishment. An
overly negative or overly inflated sense of self and others may also be
evident. An unclear or altering sense of self, identity, values, and principles
may further contribute to emotional distress. Relationships may be difficult as
a result of an inability to tolerate aloneness, an over-dependency on others or
hyper-self reliance, or ongoing emotional chaos, conflict, or avoidance in
interpersonal relationships. These relationship difficulties create
interpersonal chaos and create difficulties sustaining long-term relationships.
Finally, these individuals may also experience other mental health issues,
including eating disorders, mood and anxiety disorders, and substance use
issues.
The Personality Treatment Service at CFIR offers clients comprehensive
psychological assessment and treatment of difficulties associated with
personality and interpersonal functioning that create long-term challenges in
their everyday functioning at school, work, or home. A comprehensive and
lengthy assessment procedure is required to diagnose a personality disorder to
ensure appropriate treatment planning. When personality issues are present,
treatment is typically required for a lengthy period of time (i.e., up to 2
years). Clients must be motivated to change and be committed to attend
regularly scheduled sessions.
