by: Dr. Aleks Milosevic, C. Psych.
Our deepest sense of our own worth or value is an important
part of our self-esteem. Having a positive sense of self-esteem involves being
able to hold a solid sense of being a good person, making life decisions that
are respectful toward ourselves, and having a sense of worth and competency.
Our early childhood experience in our family of origin has a significant impact
on how our self-esteem develops. Peer relations and then relationship partners
also have an impact on our self-concept. Our relationships to others will play
a role in how we view ourselves, the confidence we have in our selves, and our
deepest sense that we are good and competent individuals; in short, we are more
likely to have a good sense of our own value and worth. This good sense of our
own value and worth affects how we talk to ourselves, the choices and decisions
we make for ourselves in everyday life, and how we will experience and manage
our relationships with others. Healthy self-esteem adds to our sense of
resilience.
Individuals with low self-esteem often struggle to come in
touch, or maintain, a sense of being a good and competent person. Typically,
individuals with low self-esteem experienced challenging early life
environments that may have involved harsh criticalness about appearance,
intelligence, or clothing by family members or peers, bullying and teasing,
emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and neglect, obstacles that blocked
achievement, or mistreatment based on social identity (e.g., gender, sexuality,
race) or on a learning or physical disability. As a result of these
experiences, one might be more self-critical, preoccupied by doubt and
uncertainty, overly driven by perfectionistic standards and ideals, have less
belief in one’s ability to achieve or accomplish, or experience an increased
sense of anxiety, loneliness, and shame that block them from building
relationships with others.
When we did not develop a positive sense of self-esteem, we
are less able to tolerate challenging life moments and sudden life changes, to
cope with adversity and perceived failure, or to deal with work and
relationship issues. Lower self-esteem diminishes our ability to deal with these
moments. Life challenges and financial, relationship, and career difficulties
or failures can also have an impact on our self-esteem.
Some individuals have overly-inflated self-esteem or
fluctuating self-esteem. In cases of overly-inflated self-esteem, an individual
may be compensating for low self-esteem. Typically, this includes over-working,
or over-achieving at the expense of mental, physical health, and relationships.
They may also overestimate what they are able to achieve or accomplish, and set
unrealistic goals with the intention of improving their sense of value and
worth. Sometimes individuals oscillate between periods marked by anxiety and
depression as they shift from experiencing low to overly high
self-esteem.
There are many dimensions to self-esteem. CFIR psychologists
and clinicians in our Self-Growth & Self-Esteem Service are skilled in
being able to understand how your self-esteem developed, and the necessary
steps to foster a positive and healthy sense of self-esteem in the ‘here and
now’.
