7 Tips to Put the Brakes on Road Rage

In our modern commuting lives, there may be nothing less infuriating than traffic and congestion. No doubt, in recent years there has been a notable jump in commute times across most Canadian cities and as a result a more significant presence of “road rage”. You might be all too familiar with the trademark experiences of road rage: the honking horns, the screams from passing cars, or the casual use of the middle finger. However, we’re less likely to have ways to help deal with the stress caused by traffic and congestion.

Here are some great tips to put the brakes on road rage: 

1. Listen to audiobooks - Find and explore new subjects of interest to you that will both expand your mind as well as allow you to focus on something other than the cars around you.

2. Take Deep Breaths - This simple strategy can be quite effective in reducing stress. Try this: Get comfortable in your car seat, take in a deep breath in for four seconds, then hold this breath for seven seconds, and slowly breath out for another eight seconds. Try to relax your body as you slowly release this breath. 

3. Get out of your head and into your body -  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our heads we forget about the rest of our experiences. Try this: While paying attention to traffic get comfortable in your car seat, start to notice where your body is making contact with the car, focus on a particular sensation, try to hold your concentration on the feeling, note any distractions, and then try to move your attention back to the sensation. To deepen this exercise, include deep breaths. 

4. Be curious about the experiences of those in the cars around you - When we are face-to-face with someone, we can more easily experience empathy for others – but when they’re a car-length away, understanding can sometimes become difficult. When driving, try to imagine the lives and faces of the individuals in the cars around you. Like you, they’re bound to make mistakes. This empathy technique can help reduce feelings of anger and frustration.

5. Explore your musical tastes - Music can be an excellent way to decompress and bring feelings of happiness to commuting. However, it’s best to take notice of what type of music you’re playing. Is it aggressive or angry? It might not be the best time to explore this type of music when you’re behind the wheel. Try something more uplifting, relaxing, or neutral to keep calm and avoid anger. 

6. Take the scenic route - Though not always possible, occasionally adding a few minutes onto your commute may be worth it to avoid congestion. Sometimes an extra ten minutes down a picturesque tree-lined street is ideal in comparison to a gloomy and congested highway. 

7. Make congestion part of your decompression - This cognitive shuffle can help turnaround the way you feel about your commute home. Try looking at this period as a time you can leverage. Shift this time from being lost to instead being a valuable part of your day to disconnect, explore, or grow using some of the other strategies discussed in this article. 

These tips should help you lessen some of the effects of road rage and traffic congestion. However, if you feel like your anger still feels out of control, it might be time to seek help. Skilled clinicians at CFIR can help you understand your experiences of anger and support you to build a more resilient and healthy self. Click here to book your free consultation now.

7 Signs Your Relationship May Need Help

Relationships have never been easy and now it seems we’re in a space and time where technology and the way we connect are continuously growing and changing. The intimacy we have with someone can mean so much, yet it seems we consistently struggle to maintain the bond. How can we know if we are “getting it right” in our partnerships?

In speaking about the complexity of our relationships, famed relationship expert, Esther Perel notes that “companionship, family, children, economic support, a best friend, a passionate lover, a trusted confidante, an intellectual equal [...] we are asking from one person what an entire village once provided.” In this paradigm, it can be hard to understand when our partners and our relationships maybe failing us. 

Here are some signs that indicate your relationship may need some work:

1. Lack of Communication 

In a world bursting with ways to communicate, it may be surprising to learn that ineffective communication remains a common issue in relationships. It’s impossible for your partner to know all your needs, feelings, and thoughts without talking about them. Communication is essential in overcoming relationship wounds, and very few relationships can survive without it.

2. Arguing with No Repair

Though constant arguing can sometimes be indicative of relationship distress – unrepaired conflict may be the real culprit. Arguments, when done sympathetically, are an essential part of relationship satisfaction. Repairing from a dispute allows partners to accept each ones’ differences and re-establish their love for one another. 

3. Loss of Curiosity

We are continually growing and changing as individuals and it crucial we remember to remain curious about our partners as they grow. The experience of curiosity and surprise is one of the essential processes in maintaining long-term desire. Partners in healthy relationships are happy to explore their partner’s unique perspective of the world.

4. Mind Reading

This familiar refrain, “Look, I know you're angry…” exposes a common misstep in many relationships. Often experienced in conjunction with a loss of curiosity, partners start assuming they are always in each other’s “bad books” even before a problem is revealed. Stay tentative about your perceived experience of your partner, especially in times of distress. You might be surprised by the difference between how they feel and how you thought the feel!

5. Loss of Priority

It can be hard to find a balance between work, children, friends, and family in today’s busy world. How you prioritize your relationship may look different to you, so it’s crucial that you discuss this with your partner. Failure to explore this in a discussion could leave your partner feeling unloved and unimportant. 

6. No Hurt – Only Anger

When we’re most distressed it may feel instinctive to get angry. Though anger is an important emotion in that it tells us something isn’t working, it isn’t usually helpful in resolving conflict. Instead, opting to express our more vulnerable and hurt emotions allows our partner to understand and ultimately care for us when necessary. 

7. Blaming your partner

It takes two to tango! Though one partner may sometimes be experiencing more distress, it’s beneficial to recognize that your relationship is co-created by both of you. Take note of how you may be contributing to the dynamic between you and your partner.

Couples experiencing any of these relationship difficulties at heightened levels may feel like they are insurmountable problems. However, exploring these issues can provide a needed check-in for your relationship. Moreover, what you discover can inspire you and your partner to reimage what your relationship could become. Couples therapy offers an excellent opportunity to explore these struggles and move towards growth. The skilled clinicians at CFIR can help you and your partner better understands your current distress and support you to build a more resilient and healthy relationship.